Holy Shit!! Literally. How to Persuade an Atheist to Become Christian. Yeah. Right.

I can’t believe people actually think like this. What a load of horseshit! Holy horseshit, that is. This is actually a serious page with step-by-step instructions for trying to convince atheists to become Christian.

This will convince no one! <== Click this for laughs.

How to Persuade an Atheist to Become Christian: Provide evidence. Hard scientific evidence.

Then, when you’re done with that, be prepared to convince that former atheist that your god is worthy of worship rather than contempt.

Good luck!

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19 Responses to Holy Shit!! Literally. How to Persuade an Atheist to Become Christian. Yeah. Right.

  1. ECA says:

    #1 opinion…
    HOW LONG HAS THE BIBLE BEEN A NICE THING?

    Not very.
    it wasnt long ago, that God of the bible was a wrathful person.

    how long ago, was it that you only had 1 life in the bible?

    How long ago, did Churches allow marriage INSIDE?
    There is no marriage in the bible.

    What we understand about the bible, is MORE in the stories from the past..which are not the Christian side..
    How many stories are Christian? NOT MANY..

    There are 2 sections of the bible…the old and new..the old section is from the Jewish religion, the New part is SUPPOSED to be the life of christ. And the second half, isnt all there..and is interpretations of information that is/was incomplete, written -100-400 years AFTER his life. Hearsay, or heresy..
    Heresy in the jewish faith, as they did not think of him as the son of god.
    Hearsay, as in the story of a story..would you admit to listening to information from a 4th-5th party on something?

    TRANSLATION..I love this.
    We didnt know the language, except for a keystone that had 3 languages interpreted..With the understanding of how words change, and how the same language from 1 location to another, can/is different…
    This is like translating from russian, to mongol, then english, not taking into context Time, and meaning differences..
    How many words have changed meaning, in your OWN history?

    What do you see in the New section? not much.
    Christ didnt TRY to change the religion..He tried to FIX what was happening in his own time.
    I read more STORIES about Christ, Outside of the bible, but these are stories created AFTER, what was written about him in the bible..

    Have fun with this folks..

  2. The Old Testicle was written in Hebrew. The New Testicle was written in Greek. Both languages are still known today. I assume there are Greek scholars today retranslating from the original for those who wish to read a modern translation directly from the original. (google break) Wikipedia link added. I’m not sure what’s considered most current.

    Personally, whenever I look for a translation of something from the Old Testament, I go to a Jewish website where a modern translation has been done. I tend to use Mechon Mamre. I like that they have the parallel Hebrew/English, even though my skill at reading Hebrew is only a hair better than zero.

    HOW LONG HAS THE BIBLE BEEN A NICE THING?

    It isn’t. It wasn’t. It would have to be completely rewritten to become a nice thing.

    How long ago, did Churches allow marriage INSIDE?
    There is no marriage in the bible.

    Actually, there is marriage in the Bible. I’m not sure it ever specifies that it should be performed inside a house of worship. But, marriage certainly exists. And, there are a number of ways to accomplish it.

    1. Give Up a Rib For Happy Naked Marriage. Gen 2:22-24

    2. Work 7 years, get wrong wife; work another 7 get a second wife. Gen 29:18-28

    3. Rape to Marriage.Deut 22:28-29

    4. 700 wives; 300 concubines; it’s good to be the king. 1 Kings 11:3

    Mel Brooks humor break.

    5. Let’s Play Master and Servant (but lovingly) Ephesians 5:22-33

    Depeche Mode music break.

    Hearsay, as in the story of a story..would you admit to listening to information from a 4th-5th party on something?

    Yes. The entire story of Jesus is hearsay. Most historians do still believe that Jesus existed as flesh and blood. But, when you examine why, it’s basically a big circle-jerk of Jim says Jesus existed because Bob and Fred say Jesus existed. Bob says Jesus existed because Jim and Fred say Jesus existed. Fred says Jesus existed because Bob and Jim say Jesus existed. But, when someone goes to the source, they suddenly say “Hey, wait a minute there!”

  3. Rodnikov Magilovish says:

    Religion, all religion, is a psychological flaw in the mental make up of Homo stupidous!
    It has been shown by serious mathematicians, that the results of prayer is statistically no different than that of random chance! Hence, go figure!
    Much religious activity, is about money, making money, and out right conniving to establish / maintain control over one’s clan, or clans!
    Frequently they mix in good behavioral mores, plus equate being “religious” with being of good moral character, yet some of the worst cases of hood winking and deleterious leadership have been from within religious orders!
    Finally, in any other en devour, if some one says they hear a voice, or voices, they are immediately suspected of and examined for mental illness, but just say that it is the voice of Gawd, or Angels, etc., then they are given a complete pass on the mental fitness account. Much religion begins with brain washing of their children to establish and maintain that control! As a child I was forced to go to church, and say that I believed, if I wanted to eat, and live at home!
    I was confirmed, but did not believe what I was being forced into!
    Now as an adult, I have the constitutional right and freedom [and exercise it] to reject any and all religions!
    I am not an Atheist, but am a conscientious rejector, aka Agnostic!
    Faith is not in my dictionary, but scientific measurement, and observation are!

  4. I almost wholeheartedly agree with you, except the agnostic bit. I’m an atheist. I’m a gnostic atheist in the parlance of reddit’s atheism board. I know there are no gods to the same level of certainty that I know that the earth will rotate overnight tonight and that if it’s clear enough to see it, this will cause the appearance of a sunrise. I know that if I drop a ball near the surface of the earth, it will fall.

    Scientific knowledge is never 100% certain because all scientific knowledge is empirical. It is possible that the next time I drop a ball, it will not fall. But, millions of trials by millions of people say it will. I call that knowledge.

    If I believed there even might be gods, I could not state that I know the sun will rise or the ball will drop. Some god or other might intervene.

    So, to the same degree that I know the ball will drop and the sun will rise, I know there are no gods.

    Re: Faith:

    Faith needs to do some kegels. Billions have had her already. She’s all reamed out. You can probably get an STD from standing within 50 feet of Faith. Not that there’s anything wrong with promiscuity per se, but she’s really not very discriminating.

    This is Julie Brown singing. But, it could just as easily be Faith.

  5. Rodnikov Magilovish says:

    Question: Is there not independent references in the ancient Moslem writings that confirm the fact that a Jesus of Nazareth did in fact live?
    Also there are a number of books of the original Bible which are not included in today’s Bibles and one in particular which claims that Jesus had brothers and sisters who lived unspectacular lives! Some branches of Christianity do include some parts of these extra chapters, I have heard. Some of these accounts are counter productive to the heresys of the main Bible chapters, apparently!
    Your take on this is welcomed!

    • ECA says:

      I heard that there are 2 books by females..
      And I think 1 was his wife.

      There are other books and documents that concern this subject. And you cant read them.

  6. I personally find this very convincing.

    No. There is no writing from the time of Jesus suggesting that anyone named Y’Shua ben Yosef ever existed, nor any controversial crucifixion from the time, nor a controversial, commie, pinko, liberal, long-haired hippie freak of a rabbi of any kind. The earliest writings about him are 40-70 years after his death.

    Imagine if stories about Martin Luther King, Jr. or Stephen Biko were first being written now. No one ever heard of them. But, all of a sudden, we’re starting to hear about them being great leaders for racial equality … now.

    Imagine if the oldest stories of Vladimir Lenin were from the mid-70s. No one ever heard of him before that. Now, new stories are still being written. They have some contradictions with the stories from the 70s. But, they’re all starting to come together into a strange self-contradictory biography now.

    That’s what we have for Y’Shua ben Yosef.

    Oh, that and the fact that even the non-miraculous events are a bit far-fetched. The San Hedrin was the Jewish high court. The idea of them meeting on a major holiday, the eve of Passover, is a bit like SCOTUS meeting on Christmas Eve. It doesn’t happen.

  7. ECA says:

    The humorous thing to wonder about…
    Is the idea of MORALS, and that only YOU or your group have them..
    I see more people who claim to be Christian, and have FEW if any morals.
    Then using That as justification for killing others..
    Then come the Rich, White man.. No Other white man had seen it(very forgetful) so he NAMES it.. It already HAD a name that the area people gave it… really dont think an Elephant was called an Elephant until SOME white guy named it.
    I really think there was a DUMB FUCK age..for Europe.
    Before it became POPULAR, people had been into the middle east and into parts of Africa.. but its ASIF, it was all forgotten.
    Even ROME had Lions, tigers, elephants, and many other animals for sport..then its as if they became a mystical creatures.
    What happened to trading? did it STOP?
    We had Sailors, that knew more then the average person..but also didnt take many Morals with them..
    Its like the discovery of China…it was always there..many countries had trade there..
    its asif, the white man got ISOLATED for a couple hundred years..
    it was the rich and sailors and Military wars in other areas…then came the slaves…for the rich..which caused problems as they werent hiring WHITE poor to do the jobs..
    Where are the Morals??
    Its really strange we compare ourselves to other groups by this, and we are worse, in most cases then Most of them..
    Our nation made Tons of promises to the American indians…
    Our corps sell to both sides in a war, and our gov helps..
    They worry about the economy, but listen to Idiots that want the gov. to fail…
    Our represenitives take our money FROM US, then vote against US..

    • Rodnikov Magilovich says:

      I’ve said it before, and I repeat myself: Our species should be named Homo stupious! End of discussion!

    • ECA,

      You can’t possibly be questioning Manifest Destiny now. Can you? I mean, isn’t it obvious God gave us the right and even the duty to conquer, subdue, murder, rape, pillage, etc.? I mean, might does make right after all, no? Why would God have given us the ability to slaughter left and right if we weren’t meant to do so?

      Rod,

      Agreed, of course. Except for the end of discussion. If we just end every important discussion there, what will we talk about? The Kardashians? No thanks.

      • ECA says:

        The problem with Manifest D…stated when GROUPS, gathered..
        The “Im right you are wrong”, “you got something I want, give it to me”, or “your dad killed my Pig”..

        Reminds me of the Clan wars and the Jews never really got very far out of Egypt..They hadnt seen 1/10 of the world..before they lost their lands 3-5 times..

        Then we goto Christian…the basis for the concepts of Socialism and a few other isms…Taken to heart by a bunch of Euro White people as a reason to KILL everyone else..and they STILL dont get the idea, that Jesus DIDNT SPEAK ENGLISH, and PROBABLY wasnt very WHITE.

        Yes, lets condemn, Everyone..even those that REALLY practice PEACE… .

      • Jesus wasn’t white. Jesus wasn’t black. Jesus wasn’t brown. Jesus never existed.

        I don’t think anyone spoke anything resembling English 2,000 years ago.

        (google break)

        https://en.wikipedia.org/?title=English_language#Proto-Germanic_to_Old_English

        Oh, and my Dad killed your pig because God Hates Pigs.

      • ECA says:

        “Oh, and my Dad killed your pig because God Hates Pigs.”
        I was hoping you understood that one..Hatfields and McCoys, Fued.. was instigated by a Land developer…

        As to Jesus…
        its HARD to find an old grave site that almost 2000 years old, even if the head stone had a NAME on it..
        What will happen is that SOMEONE will open an EMPTY grave and declare it CHRISTS…(for some odd reason) and say Christ has been reborn.,.

      • Sorry, I missed the Family Feud reference.

        Regarding the grave, it would be easier to find some historical evidence that Jesus actually existed than finding his grave. There were writers writing the history of the time, as it happened, both from the Roman side and the Hebrew side.

        No one wrote a single word about anyone by that name.

        No one wrote a single word about a controversial rabbi roaming the countryside.

        No one wrote a single word about any controversial or important crucifixion at the time.

        In short, there is nothing historical from the time of the supposed Jesus character to suggest that any such person, even only loosely fitting the description, ever actually walked the earth.

        It is true that the majority opinion of historians is that historical Jesus existed. But, mostly when they try to argue why, the argument is a circle-jerk of references to the writings of other historians who did the same thing, all without any of them actually pointing to a shred of contemporary evidence for the man.

        And, there’s a growing minority who are speaking out against the validity of such arguments and against the existence of historical Jesus. I tend to agree with this growing minority.

        That said, it would not surprise me or change my opinion of the Christian religion if evidence of historical Jesus is unearthed.

        So, I don’t really give a shit. I just find it amusing that the world’s largest grouping of religious sects is founded on nothing at all.

  8. Rodnikov Magilovich says:

    Gentlemen: A couple of questions:
    -is there not some references to the life of Heysoos Christos in the Moslem Quaran?
    -isn’t the population of the Moslem denomination greater than the Christian following?
    -is there not some references to Mohammad’s life found in parts of the Christian Bible?
    -and like you said, why should I give a shit? All Religion is superstitious gobbledegook due to the psychological flaw in Homo stupidous DNA make up!

    • ECA says:

      Thats interesting..
      As the Quran is based on 1 man bringing together the tribes into 1, with basic laws and rules for all. but the tribes are falling apart..
      Same with christians over the years..there isnt 1 group or understanding, and many with DIFFERENT thoughts on the bible have been persecuted/killed/murdered…

      What is funny to me, is that there are 4 groups that have the same beginnings..from Hebrew, Christian, Quran, and 1 other..
      But the Christians based the religion on Hebrew, old testament until the 1400’s..which is very strange…All this belief on the Hebrew and nothing about Christ, until the new testament was found.
      Quran was started about 200 years after Christ died..??

      When people refferance the bible, they reference the Old testament..which is Jewish religion from Ages ago..and I ask people if they are Jewish.

      All of this, was created to get Clans and groups to join together with Basic fundamental rules..IF you read it that way. But they both also declare a time that they wont be needed. They are Tribal rules. And for some reason, everyone interprets them differently.

      Now Iv had a problem about the bible, translations, interpretations, and understandings, with MANY people. Translating language isnt easy, in the least..as well as Language changes over time, and Meanings change.
      There is a Concordance, of the times and words of the bible…over 36 volumes..think about that. The bible broken down to the point that it EXPLAINS as much as we could know about the time and meanings of the words and meanings.
      Do you get to see that? not really.

      Needing TONS of words to fill in all that ISNT in the bible,,,

      The problem to myself, is that for ALL that the bible postulates..It is a book of slavery. Iv had great ideas, that got ROBBED from me, because someone ELSE wanted money, rather then to SHARE an idea.
      Over all of history, 99% of people just want others to leave them alone, or only around if they are helping. Other wise the bible is more for the interactions of large groups..and all its saying..
      “BE NICE to each other” is all I see in it.

    • Rod –

      – The Qur’an dates to 632 AD. So, references to Isa (Jesus) from that time period are basically reprints and/or misprints from the New Testament. They do not add credibility to Historical Jesus.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quran

      – There are approximately 1.6 billion Muslims and 2.2 billion Christians.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_religious_populations

      – There may or may not be references to Mohammed in newer Christian writings, but certainly not in the New Testament, which predates Mohammed by 5-6 centuries.

      – Why give a shit? Well, 3.8 billion people believe some flavor of the Abrahamic religion. It is amusing to think that 2.2 billion of them are starting from a belief in a fictional character. It’s sort of like believing in unicorns (with magic powers) because there was a historical case of a horse with a single horn. It’s made funnier because there was no horse with a single horn.

      But, you can still buy unicorn meat.

      http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/e5a7/

      P.S. That was an April Fools’ Day joke product. But, the National Pork Board were not amused.

      http://www.thinkgeek.com/blog/2010/06/officially-our-bestever-cease.html

  9. Rodnikov Magilovich says:

    An April Fool? Always somebody got to repork it to da National Board,eh!

    • Like. Where’s the damn like button. Oh yeah. That’s over on faceschnook.

      Repork somehow makes me think of this old kids’ joke:

      Two brothers, sitting on a fence, Pete and Repete. Pete falls off. Who’s left?

      Repete.

      Two brothers, sitting on a fence, Pete and Repete. Pete falls off. Who’s left?

      Repete.

      ….

      Of course, even the first time I heard that, I said “Pete’s brother.” But, I may not have been a kid when I first heard it.

      Repork.

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