Happy Slapture Day!

For any who are unaware, there is a group of religious fanatics who believe that today at 6:00PM the rapture will come, the beginning of the end. Jesus is coming. (Don’t get any on you.) He will bodily take a group of the worthy up to heaven today at 6:00PM.


Um … yeah … right. In case you didn’t notice, this is the second time this guy has predicted the rapture with certainty. Last rapture was 1994, in case no one noticed. I know I didn’t.

I suggest instead that we make today the day of the Slapture. Taking a meme from the show How I Met Your Mother and their Slapsgiving day, I suggest that today is the day of the Slapture.

If you believe that the rapture will be at 6:00PM tonight, we should get together so I can slap some sense into you. I’m somewhat kidding about that. I’m not going to give my name and address to meet with someone so insane as to believe this.

So, instead, take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror. Ask yourself, how did I get this far over the edge? When did I get this crazy? Then taking your dominant hand, slap yourself in the face as hard as you can. See if logic, reason, and general smarts come back to your brain with the pain of the slap.

I bet it will be a much needed wake up.

Good luck. Feel free to post back anytime after 6:01 tonight to let me know how that goes? I’m hoping it keeps you from doing something far stupider, like realizing you didn’t get caught up in the rapture and going to meet God to ask why. Please, don’t do this. Try the slap instead.

If, on the other hand, you are still stuck in this painfully stupid belief, please at least make sure your pets, if you have any, will be taken care of when you go bodily into heaven. They will not go with you.


(No, I am not a paid representative of JesusPets.)


3 Responses to Happy Slapture Day!

  1. Hmm… Nothing. And … he was so sure that the rupture would have happened by now. Let’s see. Relativity predicted stellar parallax, time dilation due to movement, the dialectic effect and all seem to be true. Religion produces one testable prediction … humorously, the same one over and over … and nothing. I just can’t decide whether to believe in religion or stick to the scientific method. Such a difficult choice.

  2. Mr. Fusion says:

    Good things happen to those that wait. Such as getting to fertilize a growing sapling.

  3. Delilah says:

    The irony is that the guy got a stroke a month later. I suppose God didn’t like some ‘tard revealing his game plan too early.

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