Marriage Related Humor — 3 jokes

A young bride, a virgin on her wedding night, is looking at her husband the next day. It’s the first time she has seen him naked in daylight.

She: What is that?
He: That, my darling wife, is what gave you so much pleasure last night.
She: Is that all we have left??!!? I’d have been more sparing with it!


A young couple has been married for about a year and a half. The husband is thinking that he is really not getting as much sex from marriage as he expected.

He: Honey, I was thinking that maybe what we need is better communication in the bedroom.
She: What do you mean?
He: Well, I was thinking that we might devise some signals.
She: What kind of signals?
He: Well, I was thinking that if I want to make love to you, I would squeeze your left breast. If I don’t want to make love to you, I would squeeze your right breast.
She: Well, that’s fine for you. But, what about me? Don’t I get any signals?
He: Hmm. Well OK. How about this? If you want to make love to me, pull my penis one time. If you don’t want to make love to me pull on it seventy-five times.


A couple has been married for twenty-five years. One day, the husband looks over at the mantle and notices two items. They may have been there for years. But, he never noticed before and asks about them.

He: Honey, what’s this on the mantle? There’s a basket with 3 eggs and a large pile of money. There must be FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS here.
She: Five thousand three hundred and sixty-eight dollars.
He: So what’s going on? Why is there five thousand three hundred and sixty-eight dollars in cash sitting on the mantle? And, what’s with the eggs?
She: I have to confess. I have been unfaithful. And, whenever I’ve been unfaithful, I’ve put an egg on the mantle.
He: Three times in twenty-five years. That’s not so bad. I forgive you. So, what’s with the five thousand three hundred and sixty-eight dollars on the mantle?
She: Whenever I get a dozen eggs, I sell them.

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