God Made a Factory Farmer??!!?

Dodge trucks made what just might be the worst Stupor Bowl ad ever. If not, I don’t want to see what’s worse. But, Funny Or Die made a good parody of it. Unfortunately, to get the parody, you must first waste two minutes of your life watching the original ad. If you’ve already seen the Dodge Trucks Stupor Bowl ad, by all means, spare yourself. You do not need to watch that crap again.

God Is Too Busy To Stop Wars & Starvation

At last, we finally know why God is too busy to stop wars and solve hunger. It’s not just because He is too busy creating droughts, floods, extreme storms, wildfires, and all the rest. It’s because he’s busy interfering in the fair competitions of sporting events. Instead of allowing sporting events to remain fair, the Lord God Ruler of the Universe feels the need to get involved on the field and choose the winner.

At least, a quarter of Americans feel that this is what He is doing.

Poll: Quarter of Americans say God influences sporting events

Why can’t humans dream up a god who is superior to us? What’s the point of creating an imaginary friend to whom one can pray for the temporary suspension of the laws of physics if said imaginary friend is no better than we are?

For the record, count me among the small number who disapprove of the expressions of faith mentioned in the article. I disapprove for the same reason I disapprove of thanking god for rain after a drought. Why not blame god for the drought in the first place?

Lady Pens; Lady Weights; Lady Cars — WTF?!

What the fuck is going on these days? Women, why are you allowing this? Why are these products selling? Is this all part of the repugnican war on women? Are women now allowing themselves to be subjugated in the way that repugnicans want, even down to the products they buy?

FAX Humor: Islands and Service — NSFW!

This is the tenth installment in my FAX Humor series. This is also likely to be the last for a while.

Now we can see why full-service costs a bit more.

FAX Humor: Understanding the Technology

This is the ninth installment in my FAX Humor series. Since this one is safe for work, I’ll skip the “more” tag that requires clicking to see the image.

Click to enlarge.

FAX Humor: Ceiling Fans — NSFW!

This is the eighth installment in my FAX Humor series.

Repugnican Anti-Choice Asshole is Pro-Choice When It’s His Bastard

Did I get enough shock value in that headline? I certainly hope so.

Scott DesJarlais, Pro-Life Republican Congressman And Doctor, Pressured Mistress Patient To Get Abortion

One could debate the ethics of a doctor having an affair with a patient. The answer is likely that it depends on the case. No one is suggesting that this case was anything but consensual. In this case though, it’s just a start. This shithead then went on to pressure the woman he impregnated to have an abortion. IMNSHO, women should be free to make that choice on their own without undue influence. But, that’s not bad enough. This Republican member of congress claims that abortion is murder. He fights against abortion rights. Well, he does unless it’s his illegitimate fetus.

Can one get any more hypocritical than this? Is it possible?

FAX Humor: No. You can’t touch it. — NSFW

This is the seventh installment in my FAX Humor series. This is another early one that I received from my wife.

FAX Humor: Mating Elephants — NSFW

This is the sixth installment in my FAX Humor series. At the time, this felt particularly relevant to a defense contractor. It probably still does.

FAX Humor: My Buddies — NSFW!

This is the fifth installment in my FAX Humor series. I’ve got nothing to add to this.

FAX Humor: 1988 Presidential Race — Severely NSFW!

This is another in my FAX Humor series.

As we deal with yet another annoying presidential race, it’s probably useful to remember that it has been many years since we really had candidates or even candidate we actually liked. Most of the time, we’re voting for a lesser evil. I don’t know how we can ever break that cycle. But, here’s one very much not safe for work view of the 1988 presidential race.

FAX Humor: I’ve Got Six Marbles — NSFW

This is another in my FAX Humor series. This one was also sent to me by my wife while I was at my first job.

FAX Humor: Girls Have More Fun — NSFW!

Back before dirt, fire, and the wheel were invented and definitely before the ARPANET became the internet and made emailing humor possible and easy, we sent humor from office to office by fax. Seriously. No, I mean it. And then, when we received a fax containing some nice bit of humor, we’d photocopy it and distribute it within the office. No. I’m not kidding. We really did.

This is the first in my FAX Humor series.

Anyway, my first job was at a defense contractor. We were most definitely NOT PC. We did not worry about whether some image was “safe for work” or “not safe for work”. We passed these things around, pinned them to our walls, etc.

Excuse Me, I’m Looking for 144 Million Idiots …

… oh … never mind. I found them.

In U.S., 46% Hold Creationist View of Human Origins

Remember folks, if you do not believe in evolution, you do not believe in modern medicine.

Happy Father’s Day to Joe the Carpenter — From Jesus

This is almost as funny as The Onion … but from a completely different and unexpected source.

See: My Real Dad

Contraception: Preventing Deaths Since 1850 BCE

Apparently, there are now people making the utterly ludicrous claim that contraception kills.

See: ‘Contraception Kills’

I should note that I am specifically responding to this quote from the FFRF blog post, not the one about the pill and cancer:

Midway through the rally, a glassy-eyed man with an infant came up to me, held up the baby, and solemnly told me: “Contraception would have killed her.”

In some cases, people really do seem to think that not conceiving a child is the same as killing one. Somewhat humorously, they do not seem to make the same claim about abstinence in general, or more specifically about the priests and nuns who disobey God’s command to “be fruitful and multiply.” (Actually, this may be a mistaken translation. I believe the original quote was “be useful and multiplex.”)

However, pointing out hypocrisies like priests, nuns, and religious murderers who let their own children die rather than use modern medicine to treat obviously treatable conditions like diabetes will only be a sidebar to this discussion.

The real point will of this post is the obvious fact that every person ever born has died or will die. No one gets out alive. Therefore, 100% of all human deaths have as the root cause conception.

Contraception prevents death.

For the purposes of this post, I am going to assume that those who mistakenly claim that contraception rather than conception causes death are the same induhviduals who believe life begins at conception. It seems a fair assumption. So, for those folks, I would point out not only that about 80% of all fertilized eggs “die” without implanting in the womb, but all of the others die as well. Every fertilized egg is a death waiting to happen, some will merely take longer than others.

So, to you religiose wackos who believe that contraception kills, I say this. Contraception has been preventing deaths since 1850 BCE. Contraception is the only means humanity has ever found to prevent death. Fairy tales won’t do it. Prayer won’t do it. Contraception succeeds where prayer fails.

Prevent death. Get a vasectomy or tubal ligation today. Not ready to make a permanent commitment to preventing death? Try contraception. Many types are quite effective at staving off the grim reaper. Ask your doctor which method is right for you.

May The 4th Be With You 2012 — Star Wars in the Subway

Courtesy Improv Everywhere

My favorite touch is the Galactic Rebellion for Dummies book. The Improv Everywhere website above has some good photos and explanations around this bit of subway theater.

Thanks to Alida for the find.

Christ Speaks Out Against Republican Budget

Well, not actually Christ. But, some who actually read the bible are finding little or no support for the Republican budget created by Paul Ryan. They’re claiming that, while he claims to be a Christian, he is instead a follower of Ayn Rand, a renowned atheist. In fact, Ryan also claims to be a Randroid. So, how can one reconcile his Ayn Randian politics with his stated Christian beliefs? One can’t.

I, for one, am not a Christian. But, as was Jesus Christ, I am a liberal. So, just as Jesus Christ would be, I am appalled by Republican politics. Anyway, here’s a couple of good clips from the Colbert Report about the Ryan budget.

Colbert Report — Paul Ryan Budget, Pt. 1

Colbert Report — Paul Ryan Budget, Pt. 2 (Father Reese)

Bike to Work in Your SUV? — Unfortunately, Not Really Humor

SUV with built-in stationary bike: It’s like biking to work, except stupid as hell

Waterboarding Noah

I was recently surprised. I had what I thought were two original thoughts about Noah’s Ark. I googled both and found that I was far from the first to think of either, of course. But, there is a sub-thought to my second thought that does appear to be somewhat original.